i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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