My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
