the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
