Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
