yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
