She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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