Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
