your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
