hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
