I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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