Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Four minutes until I can fart!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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