im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
