She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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