can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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