oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just gift wrapped bread.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
