Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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