Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
