: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
