I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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