I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
