You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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