Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
