Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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