did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
