I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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