Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
