I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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