I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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