I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
