Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
