My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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