If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
