yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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