if i can run in heels then i can drive
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
