Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's shark week go big or go home
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
