Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
