Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
