Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
