you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
high people should be assigned attendants
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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