he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
