Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
