chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
