I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
