i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
