Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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