She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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