C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
