last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
