He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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