what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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